I've learned that I can't really count on anybody for much of anything anymore.



People just don't pull for me anymore, no matter what it is...
I hold nothing against them
But now, I'm just going to have to do everything for myself

Ah
College Life

Pretty Soon I'm going to be living it.

To be honest, I don't really know how much I'm actually looking forward to to.

Like yeah it's cool ya know to have opportunity to do stuff like Photoshop in Paris and Enter competitions and have you but other than that I don't see much of it.

I really don't see myself making many friends and that doesn't bother me much. [I really don't consider myself having more than 1 or two friends anyway]But What bothers me is that I'm putting myself in debt for something that I'm not all that into. I don't even know will I be able to do well. I never been a 'School' type of kid anyways. But Fuck it. It's happening so whatever. I think the thing that really sucked me into actually going was the fact that I'll be doing stuff. Ya know, things like going to different countries and meeting new people won't just be such a forgin concept to me anymore [At least I hope not]. But I just want to taste the life of that ya know. Because, just between you and me, I really haven't plan to stay more than 2 years.

I'm socially awkward.
I accept that.
I sometimes make up believable lies of things I was actually happening/happened to me
I accept that.
I feel as if my closest friends know little to nothing about me, and vice versa
I understand that.
I have this one goal that I have keepd to myself that I know I will never obtain, but somehow, it keeps me going.

And for that,

"Queens Get the Money, Niggas still scream 'Paper Chasing' "

There's a lot going on.

Things I can't stand
-People arguing with me about something they know I know more about than them

-Most old Romance Movies

-That feeling that you just can't do shit right

Recently I confirmed that I love old music. Like Billie Holiday and Frankie Lymon old. It has always had this strange appeal to me. It's just really genuine to me. It just fits, ya know? You prob don't but it's ok. That's not what this is about anyway.

I don't like any of my work right now. And what worth does it have if I don't like it? Thats why I'm working so hard.

I didn't want to go to college. The only reason I'm going is because of McKenzie telling her father I wasn't going making it a real uncomfourtable dinner, then there's everyone saying basicly I won't be shit unless I'm going. Then there is the "You black from Detroit. Who's going to hire you without a degree" The same fuckers that would hire me with a degree. Art is one of those things where it's very hard to place the race card. If you good your fucking good. Regardless of race. Me becoming shit is all up to me. How hard I work. How hard I try. And I really do feel I'm trying. Making things jump off and all. All in all though, I'm still looking forward to it. I think It may kind of be fun.

I don't blog to much.

I found out venting about things dosn't really help me much
Everyone knows what I'm up too most of the time
If they don't they can just ask me, I'm not hard to reach.
I really don't think anyone even reads these besides Kenzie anyway

"Alot of people ask me...."- Eminem

Before someone else asks me again

I was about to chill and relax taking a bath
Then I started to get really hot and dizzy and
I like couldn't breath and my chest was killing me
So I tear the house up looking my fucking inhaler and its no where
to be found.
I find Advair, Which is something I'm supposed to take twice a everyday, In a panic I take like 5 or 6 hits of that Then Sherry comes home and finds another one of my Advair and I take like 3 more hits of it. So of course things just got worst. She got scared and called EMS. When they came my heart rate was like 180 or something. I'm sitting in the chair barely able to move. Ya know how if you sit on your leg or something it goes to sleep? It was like that all over my body and just got even harder to move and breath. But EMS came took me to hospital. They gave me what I needed. Afterward I just wanted to go home and work on some wallpapers for Big Sean.


I felt myself suffocating to death

Its weird

It was a second where I was confused on should I pray for my life or not
Thought about what would happen after I died
Thought that if I where to die right now
I can't say I accomplished much in life
Not even close to all the things I want to accomplish
Its like I didn't stare death in the eyes it was choking me and I couldn't see shit. Pretty fucked up G

But I'm better now

Today sucked.

I'm trying to stay positive so I won't go any deeper than that.

Do you think I ask to much of folk?

I'm starting to think I do?

I mean, when you ask for a favor or something I come through right?

Or if I don't I let you know, tell you how to get it done, and or make up for it right?

When I ask you for a favor or help , its nothing to much right?
\
\
\
\

Today is starting off bad at 3AM
Yesterday was crap
The day before that sucked
and the week before that wasn't all that great


I keep telling myself thats its ok "...Tomorrow may be the best day of my life"
I don't even know why
Doesn't even make me feel better anymore
It actually makes me feel worse
I think It'd be better if I said "It's ok, because tomorrow shall be worse"
It's a more fitting
And stops me from pushing a lie

*Deep Breath*

You don't know how hard this is for me
But here I go


Lately, I have been busy
Busy doing nothing
I touched photoshop today and even though I was in the groove it was fail
[ http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2rotkw9&s=5]
Prom is coming up and that intensifies things a bit
Tomorrow I have to find a way to go to work
Get a haircut
and help my uncle DJ
Prom Nite I have to go to Grad Rehersal and Prom that night
Friday I have to go to work.
[Boss, wife been on dat bullshit so I have to pick up the slack and make around 12 Senior DVDS ]
I'm not really proud of what I'm wearing to prom
Dressing up is not something I really do so its a bit hard for me
But the goal is not to
1 embarrass McKenzie
2 Activate Anti-Fail Mood
3 Be 'Social'
4 Have fun
In that order
Kinda sorta proud of myself
I got very little help with this whole thing
I payed for my ticket
I almost Like no help getting my outfit [ Which I payed for too]
Thats why I'm a bit worried
Everybody is to busy or Doesn't really care enough to help
So I'm kinda just winging everything
I better activate anti-Fail mood now...


I'm kinda naked right now
Sitting on top of a microwave
Thinkin'....
And that's rarely good

To be comprised of 6-12 minisoides [Lasting about 1-3mins each
To be animated in 3d enviorments with characters and such animated by hand and paper

I have no Idea when it shall be done

See the little eyeball over there
He's shy and and talks much but has a deep voice
You should give him a name

Please comment and tell me whatcha dinks

Today,
Walking down the hallway and I bump into Taylor, she's on the useual Taylornessicity, we end up roaming the hallways for about 20mins and then Whitney Joins de partay. We talk and roam a bit. Twas cool. We go to the office and chill for a bit and oddly enough Jasmine walks in the office. Twas random. She kept throwing me odd looks.
Whatever
Guess she's doing good at ferris
Don't really give a fuck though
She counts as an embarrestment in life

E got his car fixed!
Idk if I've stated this before but riding with him [The Homie]Jasmine, and Breann to Vo-Tech. We listen to my music, eat great food, and talk about random jank. It's really 100 proof

THE FANTASTICLAY ULTRA COOL KAMAKASIE FROM THE NEATHERLANDS !!!
We preformed today.
Pretty sweet.
My freestyle and dance moves was ruined my arch enemy. Joesph Blunt of The Grave Hearts [Sounds lame but its true Lmao]

I'm going to talk about COLLEGE

Ummmm

Looks like I'm going

I registered my classes to day

Looks like I'm a college cat now

I'm going to have class mon-wed [Tues only have one class though]

Kinda looking forward to it

I'm such a fucking Failbot

I'm just trying to make it real

Like a fisherman

Dominique is a master at drawing anime
I think I still have some of the tutorials she made for me around somewhere
She always made me feel bad about something though
Whatever

Hey,
sorry for the late response. We have reviewed your application and you have a lot of potential as an artist. Aesthetically, your style provides a new and fresher look than many others out there, however in terms of technical skill a lot of artists pointed out that it is mainly Abstract 3D in a montage of photos, similar to Justins Maller style. This rejection is mainly based on originality and aesthetics, you provide some original aesthetics as said but they are still not at the slashthree quality, in terms of originality we still feel you could improve.

I see potential in you, so I would reccomend vigorously applying yourself and attempting to improve these aspects of yourself as an artist and re-applying within 2-3 months
thanks,
saad

That was a wake up call

So now I'm on a mission to find my own stlye
I'm also thinking about bringing the other blog back and turning CC into something bigger


------------------------
Chuck anderson Flashback




Biography
I am an artist and designer working on personal and commercial projects of all different kinds. I'm happily married (as of August 2007), have amazing friends and family, check my email too much, love watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, and love traveling. As for how I got into this field, it was about 4 years ago when I decided I wasn't going to go to college. I had very little money and was living with my parents... I had some personal work on nopattern.com at the time and decided I'd start trying to get some people to hire me. I started emailing just about everybody whose email address I could get my hands on from magazines, agencies, companies, record labels, whoever... Started getting some responses and pretty much built everything around self promoting like that.

Where do you work? What do you do there?

I work from my home here in Bloomington, IL. Although this is a temporary location for us, as we're here pretty much so my wife can finish up her last year of school. I do just about everything from here including my work, handling my online store (packing orders, customer service, shipping)...everything.

How long have you been in this field?

About 3 1/2 years.

What role did (are) you play(ing) in the project?

I basically am NoPattern, everything that gets done from the business side to the art side...so I guess every role or title that you could think of, I am. Ha. If that makes any sense.

What was (is) your inspiration for this project?

I am heavily inspired by the parts of the world around me that have gone unspoiled, in other words, nature, relationships, people, just life in general... I don't like to look for inspiration in politics, news, and culture too much, as I feel those are all things that are not what I know best and things that will be irrelevant over time.

What is in your equipment/gear setup?

I'm on a 2x2.66GHz Xeon Power Mac with 8GB of RAM, 500GB internal hard drive and a 500GB external for backup, extra space, etc...Two 21" Sony monitors which hopefully I will soon be replacing if and when Apple announces new displays... Photoshop and Illustrator CS3, Wacom Intuos 3 tablet, and my favorite hardware of all, my Epson Pro 3800 printer with plenty of Hahnemuhle paper to boot.

What are some websites you visit daily?

http://www.thebrilliance.com, http://www.supertouchblog.com, http://www.designspongeonline.com, http://www.ffffound.com, http://www.drudgereport.com

Who's work do you most enjoy?

Mark Romanek, Deanne Cheuk, Tiffany Bozic, Stanley Donwood, Josh Keyes, John Dyer Baizley, Phil Hale

What advice can you share to people just getting into this field?

Don't ever freelance if you're not ok being by yourself for countless hours and hours on end, even going some days without leaving your office. It takes a toll on you but it's incredibly rewarding. Also, don't copy or steal other peoples work. Being inspired is one thing, completely emulating what someone else has done is another. Look around you, go outside...there is an endless supply of inspiration in the world and you don't need to sit on the internet to find it.

Any other comments?

Aw yeah, it's business time.

My master plan has been ruined

And it got me thinking...

There was a time in my life where if I wanted to do something I just did it.
Want to make a comic book?
Fuck it
Just made it.
Wanted to climb the highest tree in sight?
Fuck it
Just climbed it.

No planning
No stratagizeing
Just raw, spur of the moment action

But now it seems my life is nothing but a dragged out chess game against some mysterious master who receives enjoyment in counter in my moves and watching me try to squeeze my way out of the next jam only to jump right into another one.


This kind of Keith doesn't work for me
or I don't know how to make it work for me

So I'm going back to the ol' ten year old Keith
Like now, I Need a fucking Sketchbook
I don't anyway to get to DickBlicks
So fuck It I'm gonna walk

While your waiting for me to be in the Showcase for Digital Arts Magazine
a Justin Maller Flashback
--------------------------

OK, so this is an open invitation to all readers of this journal to ask me a question about anything. Literally, anything; I'd actually prefer if they were not art related questions.

Got a dilemma? Something been plaguing you? Need a deciding opinion to help make your mind up about it? Ask away; your question will be answered with anything from a mono syllable up to a complete rant depending on worthiness.

Post your questions here; I will reply with detailed answers in updates of this journal.

Let's play; Ask EKUD.


ROUND ONE:
Reader: ~Mortel3
Question: mdma, yay or nay?
Answer: Interesting question. MDMA is always good fun, but unless you can get your hands on the pure caps it's normally mixed with all sorts of shit. Don't believe people who tell you that pills are harmless, because although the scattered feeling doesn't last forever, the stuff is doing nasty, permanent things to your brain. Try it, but don't go nuts on it; drugs should be treated with respect, like any dangerous thing.

Reader: =PlasmaX7
Question: What is mankind's best invention?
Answer: The couch, closely followed by cheese.

Reader: ~MatVv
Question: Should i get an iMac ? I have the money but I'm not sure if i should get one or stick with my laptop or buy a PC, cuz my laptop's starting to get old...
Answer: Well, there's no two ways about it, iMacs are fucking sexy. Like, so sexy they should be almost illegal. However, performance for dollar wise, they are nowhere near as efficient as a build it yourself PC. Since Mac architecture has changed to accomodate Intel PCU's, they are no longer capable of producing better results with less specs; hence, the extra money now just goes towards buying something sexy and white. This is a tough one, but this is how I break it down; if I had the cash, I'd build myself an ace PC and then spend the change on a LCD or a PS3. However, if I had the cash and then some, I'd get the iMac AND the LCD, so it really depends just how flush you are...

Reader: =Zilchius
Question: Nikon D80 or Canon EOS 400D?
Answer: Nikon D80. Why? Because it's a less annoying model number, thats why.

Reader: $lolly
Question: Ass to mouth, yay or nay?
Answer: Depends on context. Porn; hell yes. One night stand; hell yes. Girlfriend; probably not. You may like to kiss her goodnight. You've always got the option of going ass to facial without actually making oral penetration, so that's a good compromise.

Reader: =starfantazy
Question: What is your greatest possession?
Answer: My conversation hat, closely followed by my balcony.

Reader: =dalla
Question: Do you game? If you don't but had to, what would your console and game preferences be? Online or solo? Elaborate!
Answer: Indeed I do! Only solo though; I game to escape from people, so the idea of having them follow me into my little oasis of procrastination is terrifyingly invasive. I have a 360, and spend most of my gaming time on EA Sports title like NBA Live 07 and Fight Night. I also recently clocked Saints Row, which was certainly a decent game, and more than just a GTA knock off, despite what you may read...

Reader: `duhcoolies
Question: Pimples; can it make or break you?
Answer: Skin is a big thing with me. I have had a fairly epic battle with acne since adolescence kicked in. I was on roaccutane when I was 17 which cleared it up rather drastically; since then I have always been a fairly keen observer of general skin condition. To this day I still need to take antibiotics to keep completely clear. It's a shitful thing to have to deal with, especially seeings as no-one seems to understand that it is an inescapable genetic condition. I know firsthand that it can be fucking shattering for self confidence. Not sure if you are asking because you have bad skin, but something you need to keep in mind is that if you suffer from acne, you probably pay far more attention to it than other people do, so try to stress less.

Reader: =lost-exile
Question: Illustrator or photoshop?
Answer: Photoshop FTW. Good to be proficient in both though; it's like being ambidextrous.

Reader: =Street-Sk8er
Question: Will you finally admit that we've been having a secret love affair via notes?
Answer: Our forbidden love will only ever live in the silent, dark chamber of my wasted heart...

Reader: =archanN
Question: When stressed, how do you relax or chillout?
Answer: I'm a big believer in the deluxe Triple S; The Shit, Shower & Shave. I start by downing a coffee, grabbing a good book, and locking myself in the toilet for a good hour or so. No-one bothers you, you can't hear the phone ring, your subconscious is engaged in a productive, neccessary and satisfying task, plus your conscious mind is occupied by a relaxing and stimulating activity. Next is a nice hot shower, followed by a close shave. Just writing about it's calming me down...

Reader: `newklear
Question: Here we go sir, I've been having this moral dilemma for years... and well, you seem pretty qualified to answer it for me! So... big titties or small?
Answer: It's all about the shape, not the size! You want em round, yet perky.. I'd get more in to this, but given the very precise phrasing of your question, I'll give you a precise answer; the best titties are whatever is closest to hand ;)

Reader: ~cycloidbeta
Question: Long distance relationships. ARE THEY WORTH IT?
Answer: If you a) are under 21; b) have been going out for less than 2 years or c) have any history of mistrust in your relationship, do not even think about it.

Reader: ~M1ndfieldS
Question: Dutch people, good or bad?
Answer: Good, in a quasi-evil way.

Reader: ~dremDDl
Question: Do you care bout Christianity or are you an atheist?
Answer: Here's a newsflash for you mate; the world isn't divided into Christians and athiests. Interestingly, given current immigration patterns, within 15 years Australia will be a predominately Muslim nation. Random trivia aside, I happen to be an agnostic. This means that although I do have a set of spiritual beliefs, they are not defined by any preconceived codes or ethics. I believe in a higher power, and a far more intricate and complex version of predestination that takes free will (amongst other things) in to account. It would take far too long to explain the whole thing; suffice to say that my philosophy is centered around a universal connectivity that unites and binds every being that has ever lived on this planet. Come have a beer some day, I'll run through it with you...

Reader: =JaxeNL
Question: Graphic Design or Multimedia?
Answer: Depends mate; check out the syllabus, see which one offers a broader range of disciplines to learn. The more versatile you are, the more jobs you can book. I'm severely handicapped by my inabilities as an all around designer, so I sincerely recommend that you get as much education in as many mediums as possible.

Reader: ~1337TAH
Question: Well... What is the most priceless, valuable thing in your life?
Answer: My emoticon; :ekud:

Hope it finishes before I finish this blog


I've decided to start waking up at 5 and going to sleep at 1:30.
That beats the waking up at 6 and going to sleep at 3

I'm using After Effects now
Its pretty cool
Came in Second place at skills
We were the first to ever place at 3D Animation at my Votech
Guess thats an accomplishment
I think its almost done
*Checks*

It is!

Consider it an teaser for an upcoming animation I'm working on





Thats All

Tell me what ya think

As of The Late





I've been feeling...Alone....Lost....and a little bit confused
I've thought of so many questions that I don't want the answers to
Wondered about so people that I don't care about anymore
Questioned my beliefs and what drives them

and I just can't figure out why

I want it to stop though



Justin Maller Apologized to me
For that I respect him
And for that I feel like an idiot
for letting him get to me
We Learn, We Grow, We Adapt
I'm behind on work
It's been to long for me from photoshop
I'm slacking

I'm not the best looking guy around
Not close to being the smartest either
I only have 3 friends
I'm poor
I don't get any freelance work from my art
I didn't even meet the slandered of depthCORE
My Girlfriend hates me on the regular


But through it all I'm pretty happy ya know

I have the best girlfriend out there
She puts up with all of my tomfoolery
My parents are not a pair of crackheads or drunkards
My 3 friends are the best friends out there
I may never get work for my art. But that doesn't matter because I'm not doing it for money
anyways. I'm doing it because it's something I love to do
McKenzie also love's me on the regular

Not saying that things couldn't be better but everything can always be 20x worse
Right now
I'm content
I am content with my life right now
Looking forward to seeing what the rest brings
[Cookies I hope]

My Grandfather suggested I watch Dexter and I suggest he watches The Wire

I belive he's the reason I'm heavily into movies and such
He has a very extensive movie collection with a very intricite system for fining and manging
them all. It's odd how we sit and disscuss the mysteries and theroys of the universe but have trouble figuring out what day it is. He's wrote a couple of books. Been interviered by some people. Baseball Fan [He's analizes on the game is very intriguing]. He's was in Nam. And he never seem to not have an answer to any question I throw him. But no matter what it just seems I know little about him. I think we are alike in a lot of ways. Or at least I wish.

But this blog isn't about him

It's about me

He told me the same thing. Told me I wasn't ready and shit and I didn't have my own style. I applied to s3 and evoke like a couple months ago. Arepik.com was another s3 they were all kinda cockbags about it too. But hey Konvulse is here and we all get to make this thing something new and show those collectives we've got style and shit ya know.It's just their way of being elite, and this is how we get ours too.

That's Pete. Petter Gibson. Justin was right. He dosn't have his own stlye. He mimics a lot of other artist. He has some great concepts and ideas but there not properly exucuted.\
Look familar?




Either way looks like this guy is my friend now.
He dosn't have the right attitude for not being accepted to any collective out there
except the one that happens to be dieing
but fuck it
Me and him [With the help of others]
are going to revive Konvulse

depthCORE

depthCORE is an international art collective focused on modern and abstract art, incorporating design, photography, animation and audio. Established by Justin Maller and Kevin Stacey in 2002, our membership is comprised of artists of all ages from all locations around the world and all walks of life, united by their love for art, and their passion for innovation.

The group was established to provide a showcase for the best in modern craftsmanship, with the primary goals of breaking design conventions and pushing the boundaries of artwork created or enhanced digitally. In a medium inundated with repetition we aim to bring something unique and innovative with every release we put forth, as we illustrate, orchestrate and visually represent the thoughts, hopes and dreams of all corners of the globe.

Many of the original artists from the group's inception still release with us today, and we are constantly recruiting artists from around the community, inviting them to join our collective and help to keep our releases vibrant and fresh. Whilst we do accept applications, the majority of our artists gain membership via private invitation as opposed to their own request.

I seem to recall talking to you recently on IM and discussing your work? Membership to depthCORE is currently closed for an indefinite period; either way, you still have a fairly long way to go til you're at the standard we are looking for, which I thought we had already spoken about.

Justin



Email I got this morning

We didn't talk about it before Btw

But he's right.
I do have a long way to go
That's why I have decided not publish my website [It's 100% complete now]
When it comes to digital art I'm only average lv
There's no point in having a site if my skill set is only average
Waste on money
That's why I'm holding off on getting
a new tablet and such as well
No point and wasting the cash
I'm also going to stop sending the emails
It must look like spam and I don't want to get blacklisted
because I may one day be a pretty good one day
Until then I'm just going to slow down
and stay away from future embarrassment


I really don't know what I was expecting though
So I really can't say to much
I guess this explains the lack of email replies



I really don't want to speak much about it anymore

Art School Confidental

Ummm

I really don't have jank to say Lol

I got some money I'm looking to spend
Don't know on what though
The Dual Screen Monitars
Intros 4
PS3 Stuff
or what

Miles is currently on crutchs
Broke his ankel playing basketball

Chris is MIA again

I'm not going to college I think I'm going to wait a year or until the winter season to appy again

Tonight I'm going to *Deep Breath* Write to DepthCORE

I'm also going to finish DeFract
and start a new project
I to network a bit more

Ya know what I neeeeeed Right Now?
Know what I waaaaaat Right Now?

No
No ya don't



I neeed to re measure my skill level and improve that boy
I also need to gain more exposure

I'm glade MC is staying here
Finally a break were she dosn't have to go somewhere or do something

Now in the possess of codding the muthafunka

The rows shall be like this and will go down

[The first rectangle is a preview of my newest work]

This was going to be a rant
I changed my mind though

1:03AM

I just got done watching 2 episodes of The Shield Back to Back
I stated on another episode but changed my mind.
My website will be done soon
I've designed it
Now I just have to code it
The when that's done I shall uploads it
Now that's I have a job I can do stuffs like have a website
What to see a preview of it?

....
....
....

Hahaha
Ya Can't !

That's right

For now on I'm only preshowing final artworks to McKenzie and Euro
McKenzie because...well she's McKenzie
Euro because she's always the first to see anyways [Most of the time]

I was suppose to pick up my check but my boss was in the middle of a photoshoot
It's cool because I'm making that girl's DVD Weds and some others too

GET YOUR SENIOR PHOTOS AT STEWART'S PHOTOGRAPHY!!!

Not just saying that because I work there either.
Really cool place
You can add graphic's and what not to your photos [Which will most likely be done by me]
You take like a million photos within an hour's time
Then you take home this book with all your photos and pick the ones you want and everything
We have our own in house production room [It's like a cool mini Kinko's in side of a room]

http://www.stewartphoto.com/

I like working there

I pretty much work on a Mac all day
He has a cool intros that I'm going to start using [He's selling it by the way if your interested]

Miles, I was upset with him
Due to his hypocricy how it reminded
me of that one time I upset with J-Cork
But he's getting me LittleBigPlanet so he is
forgiven. But if I don't get it....

I use to make my blog titles relevant to my post
and give a fuck how I spelled things
Not anymore it seems
I have a lot of them boys hidden
I would unhide them boys but it's to much work

I'm FB chatting Talyor
One of the things I like about Taylor
is that she was always a cool person to talk an
listen to. I don't communicate with
her that much anymore though
We're still cool though
11th grade was my highschool 8th grade

It's raining
Reflects exactly how
I was feeling when I wanted to rant
I'm scared the cpu is going to go out

Tomorrow shall be a long long day

Had an eventful day today

First I was outside this morning
It was really wet outside

Then I was at McKenzie's
Had a really great time but I get the feeling her bro doesn't like me

Then I went to work
Where I prepared like a billion pictures for the website

Speaking of a Website
I'm about to get one
It's kind of embarrassing to
read that I don't have a website
but you can check out my Behance
Pluse behance.net/noirmaybe
is to much for anyone to remember off hand
So I'm designing my website witch should be up in
a couple of months [Or less]

Working with the Awesome artist Phill Dunne
Great artist and a cool guy

He said my work was 'Brilliant'
and he was featured in DepthCORE's HEIST
Yet Justin Saw my work but didn't invite me
I guess that means I'm above average but below expert
My goal is to me the master or a beast


http://depthcore.com/chapter/38/

^They are all beast or masters^

Normally I don't give a fuck

But Lately...

I don't know. I guess I just been feeling really insecure about a lot of things.

Like

Fuck, I know I'm not good at that

or

Shit, I really sucked at that.

It's like I'm competing with somebody I don't know, never will know but they are just better at me at everything no mater how hard I try.
But What ever
Fuck it

My phone is janked

I don't know why I guess I was trying to be sexy or something but long story short my phone was in the bath for like 3 seconds. So now it randomly calls folks, turns off and on, ect.
Really gay if ya ask me

I've been taking baths lately opposed to the shower so I can do the drowning thing


Hotel party was fun
Hung with some coons a little to much for my taste though
They did tell me how to get free ringtones though
Had some sexy sleep with McKenzie. That was friggin great
They had some fexy donuts too

Talked to Shawntay
That was friggen great
Last week was awesome
I'm also now putting 88% of the juice
into one of my goals

Blame it on the A-c-c-c-c-cohal

If you don't like Twitter
Fuck it
You just don't like it
No one is forcing you to sign up
or be active

But me

I love it right now

Twitter has it's uses

Like How it helps saves lives

or like how it's used to follow court cases

Twitter for me works




The fact that I have been noticed by one of the biggest names in game is just amazing to me

I mean facebook is cool but It's not Twitter
Same goes Vice versa

But From the Looks of it FB is trying to become a twitter clone

But whatever

If you like it use it !
Follow your Freinds your Fans Your Favorite people or anyone and Everyone

If Not

Don't use it. But Don't bitch about it

It's Growing so Deal with it

Best way I can put it is 'Twitter is what you make it'

I swear Thats all I can do sometimes


Watching the Shield.
Still haven't caught up on US of T
Working on a secret personal project as in its just for me.
[I'm starting to question would it mater any though]

That's all I feel like Sharing.

Do need to share a lot with Shawntay though...

Had to 'Go Hard' on this Bitch today
She was tripping for real

Anyways

I haven't had a bed since...5 years ago?

So I just have a mattress

Summer I sleep on it
Winter I sleep on the Pool Table

Had something to say
Can't quite remember what it was

I'll blog about it if I remember

Finished the Design & Packaging for Between the Zebra Stripes
Now all that's left to be done is to get it actually produced

http://www.behance.net/Gallery/Between-The-Zebra-Stripes/196850

Hung over India's yesterday
had fun
wish I could have stayed longer

Getting a PS3 BEFORE THIS MONTH IS OVA!
When I get 2 controllers, headset, and a couple of games I want to play it with a group of friends
that would be fun
I think the first game I'm going to buy is Little Big Planet then Fallout then Killzone.
After that idk.

Abes Oddysee

The Best Game of All time.
It's so intuitive
Great Story
Memorable Characters
Challenging puzzles and themes
And A fart button!

Classic

I'm downloading it now [I origanily just played the Playstation Ver.]

Summer is coming
So is an L
I put my mattress back on the floor

Ummmmm

I guess that's it


Oh yeah
When you go to my Behance and look at my stuff please take the time to press the Appreciate button. Seeing something having 1000 views but only 5 people appreciate it is strange

4:03Am
Wide Awake

Can't sleep
School today
Looks like I'm going
Don't want to

4:08AM

Don't like how the packaging is looking
Idk if it's just me or not
Dexter seemed to like it
I guess that's what matter
Make the Client happy

4:09AM

Wish to hang with McKenzie today
unsure if Sherry works
School today
VoTech
Must handle Cap & Gown jank
Don't see what's the big deal of prom
It's a dance
Is it about Sex afterwards?
You can have sex anytime anywhere
Can't be it?
Food?
Maybe
Dancing?
What are stereos for?
It's just me though
Never been a big supporter of the schools
Managed to do the whole highschool thing without being in one club
Or going to one dance
Went to a couple of parties though
Kyle's one party was cool
When someone looks at my work and says something like
"Looks great, Congratz" It's kinda annoying
Like why are you congratulating me that you like my work?
Does one must be worthy for you like there work?
Is there some kind of test that I passed or something?


4:15

Don't really want to go to my graduation
Going to be long and boring

The shield

I'm going to do a couple of renders
email them
then try to sleep

that should be around 5 or so
Must wake up at 7 for school

G-Up in freezer
Must take it out now

4:26AM

Sherry told me to go to sleep

Still not tired

She works tonight

McKenzie babysits

Guess we can't hang out

Sucks hard

4:28AM

Hmmm Looks like I'm back here
5:46aAM

Watched The Shield.

Have you ever got jipped because of something that has nothing to do with you or because of some bullshit?
Happenend to me a couple of times this year and Last
[Still pretty upset about the Laptop]
Nothing I can do about it
I guess somethings are overrated
I think I'm the only person in the world who hasn't seen 40 Year old virgin
Sherry still trying to talk me out of going to CCS this year
Shit is expensive.
Sound Test was randomly featured http://www.motionserved.com/
If I knew it would even be considered I think I would have put in more time than the two weeks I did put in
I also was interviewed by abduzeedo
Don't know when it will be published
Gave a couple shoutouts
Still didn't feel right doing it though
The comments on it will most likely be pretty harsh
Considering the others that have been interviewed that is
*yawned*
Guess that means I'm sorta tired
I'm going to work on the packaging for D
Tommorow I have to I have to do that contact form for Dave
*Yawn*
Second yawn
I really don't feel like it but thats some quick $ that can be used for Chanel's Chucks
Still feel pretty bad about it
*yawn again*
Another One?
5:59AM
Packaging for D
I kinda feel like pressure
If the final outcome is not awe-inspiring then I'm going to feel like shit
I decided to first work on graphics then move on to the acutual packaging itself
Hit a couple of blocks
Jumped a couple of leaps
Would upload sketches and such to flickr but I can't remember my yahoo ID
Guess I got to many of them boys
Fuck it though
It will be seen when the time is sexy
5 minutes before midnight
How worried about nuclear war are you?
Euro is a good friend of mine
*yawn*
Is that number 4
I talk to her about random stuff randomly
*yawn*
I wish we had some coffee or something
6:07AM
Is McKenzie up?
I texted her
She doesn't reply like she use to
I'm going to stop blogging
Peace & Hair Grease

Miles just left

I really wish he would have left his 360 though...

I want a 360! And A PS3!

But thats not happening.
On this list of things I'm saving up for but prob wont happen anytime soon

In Order

Channel some new Chucks
An Ipod Touch
A PS3
A 360
A new card for my camera

My left eye is randomly red and in pain so I have been putting eyedrops in them every couple of hours

I finished My Student aid form but it was kinda pointless considering its due tommorow I think and I have to mail out the signature paper
*Sigh*
Oh Well

I deactivated my Facebook. And the more I think about it the less likely I'm going to reactivate or go back on. I really don't see a point. I just look at pictures of people I don't like and start random convos with the same 3 or 4 people and since they really don't tend to random Convo me I'm starting to belive I'm becoming a pest and I don't want that so yeah.

I don't even really know who's my 'friends' anymore but whatever.

I deleted my secret blog as well. Mind as well. It was pointless.

McKenzie is comming back Monday which is sexy but I don't have hair cut. I think I'm gonna rock the Mos Def for a week then Get the reg Gianco for a Min then See how I do with the Chops then Do the Common sometime around my birthday then come up with a new plan from there.

My Soundtest has been completed. But thats all you need to know about it. No you can't see it.

I'm downloading the entire The Shield. So I plan to watch 1 episode a day. I'll try to keep it to 1 a day at least. If I do that it should bring me into May which isn't that far from June. That reminds me a new episode of UST comes on today (Or tomorrow)

I Might pull a McKenzie and stop blogging as well.
My life is not interesting enough to blog everyday or to with hold the attention of any so yeah...

Just thinking...

I got a lot on my mind....

No way of really expressing it though

So everything just end up to imaging how a conversation about it would go

I kinda like it...because I'm always right and there are no comebacks I can't counter

But all this is just inside my head

I got a grip of shit to do

Gotta paint this
Gotta Email that
Gotta Finish this
Gotta make that
Gotta blah blah blah

It's really been keeping me busy.